With the addition of a new baby, your family dynamics will certainly change. For your firstborn, that’s a big shift in everything she knows. Help your child manage the transition so, in turn, it will be an easier shift for everyone.First, get to work on these safety precautions way before your baby starts to crawl! Time flies quickly, especially when you have kids. One day, you’d just take your baby home and spend time admiring him as he sleeps. Next thing you know, he’s trying to sit, stand, roll over and crawl!

Before the baby arrives

• Start introducing the new reality of a growing family to your child. Use storybooks and other media to help your child see and imagine what it means to have a baby enter your lives. Let her ask questions, and encourage her to voice her fears, hopes, and ideas.

• Interact with other families who have newborns to make the situation even more real. Guide her through the experience: show her how little the baby is, how helpless, and what a typical day caring for a newborn might be like.

• Demystify your pregnancy and involve your child with how your baby is growing inside. Tell her how big the baby is at this point (“the baby is the size of a small papaya about now!”) or let her feel the baby’s movements. If you’re up to it, show your child diagrams or graphics of what a growing baby looks like inside. There are even some videos on YouTube that simulate what’s happening in the womb!

• Ask your child if she wants to be involved in preparing for the baby’s delivery.  You can make a plan as to what her role will be—one that can carry over to when the baby arrives. Maybe she can be the story reader, and help create a baby library. Or maybe she can be the one who takes care of stocking the diapers; you can put her on grocery duty and ask her to make sure you have enough diapers each time. Whatever the assignment is, make sure you set her up for success with a task that can be easily achieved, and if she loses interest, nothing gets disrupted in your routines.

• Manage your child’s expectations about her new role. For example, a new sibling won’t be an instant playmate. It will take weeks before any real interaction.

• Make the change about your firstborn, too. How will things be different for your older child? How will the time you spend with her change? Will you need to set up a new bedroom? Will you be bringing in extra childcare help to manage both kids? Introduce all the big changes months before your due date so your older child will be comfortable in her new setup by that time. It can signal that she has control over the changes in some way, and not feel like the baby is the only thing the family cares about.

• Make time for parent-child dates, where it’s all about your child’s interests. You can go somewhere special and turn all your attention on her. Then, find a way to carry this as a new tradition when the baby comes.

• Come up with a hospital game plan – let your child know what will likely be happening on your delivery date. Will she be with her grandparents? Will she be able to be at the hospital and see the baby right away? When will you be coming home? Give her something to do—like prepare a gift—so she feels like she is an active part of this milestone.

• Prepare yourself for the adjustment to come. No matter your preparations, your child might still feel the need for reassurance and the time to make peace with the new normal. Your child may also become clingy and demanding even if she seemed fine before. Be ready to not know everything and to be okay with that. Start thinking about how much this will affect you as well—and how you might also need to be ready to be more understanding and patient later on.

   

After the baby arrives

• Give your child the time to come to terms with the new baby at home. It might take as long six months for you to find your new family rhythm. In the meantime, cut your child some slack when she’s acting up.

• Find a way to carve some one-on-one time with your child. Keep this sacred in your home. It may not eliminate potential feelings of insecurity or jealousy, but it will reassure your child that she is still important to you. It can also be her time with you to feel safe enough to share what she’s feeling or to be as silly or trivial or loud without worrying about the baby.

• Let your friends and family know that you need them to support your firstborn as well. They don’t need to make a big deal out of it, but their visits to meet the new baby should also touch on interacting with your firstborn. Let them help her feel that she’s still the same kid, and that her interests and opinions are not tied to the new baby.

• Should your child start throwing tantrums, offer comfort and understanding. This is a huge deal for her and there are a lot of big emotions that she isn’t likely to be grasping. Help her find a way to put her feelings into words, like by describing what you observe. Try not to make assumptions or to be dismissive; help her get to a point where she feels seen and heard. Then, you can come up with options on how she can act next time the same situation comes up.

• If your child regresses during this adjustment stage, take it easy. Don’t scold her or make her feel like she’s done something bad. Realize that it’s normal and stay calm. In time, things should settle again.

• Keep your firstborn’s routine intact, especially at bedtime. Kids find comfort in predictability and a newborn’s arrival tends to shake things up. Give her something to depend on each day to help her feel more grounded despite her whole world changing.

• Allow your child to reminisce about being the only baby in the house. Regale her with your memories of caring for her as a newborn. Ask her how she feels now as an older sibling. What does she like and does not like? Keep it light and open and casual, so that your child knows she can talk to you about anything. Whatever is going on, reassure her of your love and ask if there's something you can do to help. 

• Involve her in childcare, but don’t let her be responsible for any real tasks. Give her a sense of importance, especially if she’s feeling lost in the postpartum fog. If she decides that she’d rather not participate, that’s okay too.

• Find ways for the two kids to bond. Let her sing songs, read books, or be part of your daily outdoor walk. You don’t need to force them to love each other, but creating the space for them to forge their relationship will be a good first step.

Sources:

https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/preparing-your-first-born-for-a-sibling/

https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/positive/big-sibling-blues/